Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
