I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
