I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
