I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
