I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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