my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
