WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
