girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
