dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
