normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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