Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
