i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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