I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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