So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
