So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
