Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
