The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I didn't notice because vodka
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
