Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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