ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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