So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You can't special order awesome
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
