Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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