we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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