Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
