Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
