if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
