Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
