Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
