it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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