i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
