I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
