Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
honey bunches of taint.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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