Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
