im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
