I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
