i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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