Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
