Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
