He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
