I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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