how hairy? two words: wookie tits
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
