They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
