No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
