I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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