Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
