I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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