Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
