i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you made out with another girl for some wings
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
