that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
