your parents love me but you hate me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
