Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
