Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
